Insanity of Sara Sidle
by Kira699
Summary: Sara is placed in a scenario where all her past nightmares come back to haunt her, can her friends save her, or will she end up like her mother.  GSR included .
1. Chapter 1

**Insanity of Sara Sidle**

**This is a little different.**

**Sara is placed in a scenario where all her past nightmares come back to haunt her, can her friends save her, or will she end up like her mother. GSR included .**

**CBS owns CSI, I only own the horror of my own mind. (creepy huh?)**

**Chapter 1**

Sara Sidle was an enigma. Not only to her colleagues and friends, but to herself as well.

Now this was thrust upon her. Only problem was, what was this? Where was she?

She remembers falling, a sharp pain in her leg, then everything went black as her head hit something hard. It was still pitch black, but she was awake. Looking up she saw a vague lightening in the sky, she saw a star. She tried to stand only to fall down and gasp with pain shooting through her leg, she grasped it tightly only to feel it wet and sharp.

Feeling around in her surroundings, she found her kit and flashlight, she used the flashlight to examine her leg to find bone poking through the skin and material of her slacks. It screamed compound fracture, nasty. She looked around her and saw dark walls, no passages shooting off from it. She realized where she was, and the thought chilled her. She had been at a crime scene in the mining town just outside of Vegas, she had finished the scene and was walking back her Denali when the ground fell out from under her. Now she was stuck at the bottom of an unfinished mineshaft, probably unmarked too.

'_Great Sidle, now you have really stuffed things up, they'll never find you now, hidden in an unknown mineshaft._'

The walls were eroded somewhat but not enough to find handholds to climb out with, harder to do with a broken leg and probably a concussion. She felt the back of her head, her hand came away wet, blood.

She hung on to the hope that someone would find the SUV, and hunt for her. She tried her cell phone but knew there would be no signal, there wasn't. She took stock of any other injuries she might have, mostly cuts and scratches from the fall. She now had to play the waiting game. She fell asleep since she hadn't slept much earlier.

After waking she realized that this hole was smaller than she'd like, she felt claustrophobic, trapped and she could feel her rational thoughts being pushed to one side and replaced with irrational ones. Her mind was running rampant, running through her life and picking out every last gory detail, her childhood, the horrors instilled back then. Every little painful thing that had happened to her, the lab explosion, the asylumn, Nick buried alive, Natalie and that ordeal in the desert. They all ran circles around in her mind while she was herself done this hole. She fought it but failed, her own mind ceasing to see logic and reason. '_Don't kid yourself Sidle, now you are buried alive, just like Nick was with difference of course, no one knows you are missing yet and you aren't sitting on a bomb. How long before someone notices and comes back here, who would care? _'

Sara felt the first wave of panic overtaking her, panic and pain, the familiar sensations that had never left, just like the anxiety now biting at her. Her mind started flashing back to her childhood and the abuse, increasing her anxiety, now everything she'd felt came back in a rush, overwhelmed her suddenly and her mind began a spiral downwards into an abyss of horror, pain and hopelessness. The concussion from earlier hampered any reasoning processes her brain struggled to find. She just kept falling, unconscious, panicked, and terrified.

She lay there in the dark, cold, unconscious and full of fear, pain smashing at the dark recesses in her mind and there was no one to comfort her, nothing anyone could do, no one around. She was alone in her terror. Her own mind became her worst enemy.

Back at the lab, Grissom became concerned because Sara was overdue, she had left the crime scene at the same time as Jim Brass had, a little bit behind him, but she was seen heading for her car with her kit and evidence bags. He called Brass.

"Jim did you see Sara actually get in her car and leave?"

"No Gil, but she had everything and no more than a few yards from the SUV when I left. Isn't she back yet?"

"No. And I'm worried, we need to get back out there, her car might have broken down, run off the road, anything."

"Meet you in the parking lot in 5 minutes then Gil."

Grissom tried calling Sara. It went to her voicemail.

"Nick grab your kit, Catherine and meet me in the parking lot in 3 minutes. It's urgent."

In the car Grissom filled them in with what sketchy details he knew, how it was something of riddle to be solved now, but they had to find her.

**Ok insert spooky music here**

**Oh and insert reviews by clicking the review button, thanks heaps.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Insanity of Sara Sidle**

**This is a little different.**

**The mind can play funny tricks on you, this time they can be deadly tricks.**

**CBS owns CSI, I only own the horror of my own mind. (creepy huh?)**

**Chapter 2**

Back down the shaft, Sara was going to and fro from consciousness, her mind lost and running through an eternal loop of constant ordeals, the abuse from her father, seeing her mother stab him, all of the previous bad things, enlarging on them, magnifying them all in her mind. The scenario of Natalie and the car was the worst, Natalie had no longer been that sick, small woman but a towering person, inflicting as much pain as possible before the car was lowered onto her. Sara escaped the car only to have Natalie chase her through the desert where she would surely die. Natalie breaking her leg after the car broke her arm. Her current injuries finding a new cause behind the whole chaos of her mind.

She didn't hear the shouts from above, she didn't hear her name being called, she didn't hear anything apart from what her mind was replaying over and over again. She was talking, pleading with her own imagination, her grip on any reality was gone. She started screaming. It was a chilling scream, primal even. Grissom heard it.

He nearly fell down the hole in his haste to get to her.

"Sara, are you alright?"

Nothing, no answering snide remark or plea for help was forthcoming. They could all see her lit by her own flashlight, she wasn't moving but she was talking, to herself.

"Hang on Sara, Nick is coming down, we'll get you out."

Nick was secured in a harness and rope attached to the SUV and rappelled down the wall of the shaft, showering Sara in dirt. When she reached the bottom he stared at her in horror, her face was that of something wild. He reached out to touch her hand and she scratched at him, bit his hand and growled like a wild animal.

"Get me the hell out of here Griss," he called.

Quickly he was pulled up, scratched, bitten and bleeding, he was in shock.

"What happened?" asked Grissom.

"She attacked me, that's what happened, her face was feral Griss, she's lost it big time, we have to get her out but whoever does it will need body armour. But I have another idea which might prove less painful for her as well."

Nick suggested releasing an anaesthetic gas into the shaft, sufficient to relax her, and put her out until she was rescued. It sounded fine on paper, until you take into consideration her concussion, which makes it risky. But all agreed some risk was better than a dead Sara.

Brass returned to the scene with the canister, paramedics and the pump to push the gas into the shaft and all of them stood around while the procedure was performed, all wearing gas masks themselves.

The gas hit Sara and she coughed, finally thinking that this was how she was going to die, alone, mad and pursued by everything and everyone. Her mind lost it's battle to make sense of anything anymore and everything went black, she felt no pain, no tremors, no nightmares, simply nothing.

This time a paramedic was lowered down the hole to inspect her injuries, she was out cold, her skin was cold and clammy, her leg was badly broken and she'd lost a good deal of blood because of it. Her head injury had stopped bleeding but he managed to get her into a rescue stretcher with backboard and get her hoisted out of the hole. On the surface they had a closer look at the damage, she needed help fast, but she also needed to be restrained in case she woke and attacked the paramedics. The ambulance drove off to the hospital followed by Nick and Catherine in Sara's SUV and Brass and Grissom in the other. Nick had gone back down the hole and retrieved the kit and evidence which was thankfully still intact.

At the hospital Sara was treated for her injuries, major surgery on her broken leg, pins and screws inserted, bone fragments removed. If she was lucky she'd regain all movement in it again. Her concussion was a serious issue though, more so because of the extra anaesthetic used. As for the report of her attacking Nick, the doctors didn't know quite what to make of it. They called in a neurologist and gave her brain scans.

"Mr Grissom? I'm Professor Andrews, a neurosurgeon, neurologist and hopefully an expert in brainwave behavior. I say hopefully because there is still a lot about the brain that isn't understood yet."

Grissom nodded.

"Ms Sidle seems to have a persecution complex, we can't establish anything concrete yet until she wakes up but if you'd like to tell me about anything in her past that was painful for her it might help. And I mean everything regardless of how small."

Grissom went on to relate all the bad things that had happened while at the crime lab, then went further back to Sara's childhood and her abusive past. Professor Andrews nodded and took notes .

"Will she be alright Professor?"

"Physically yes, mentally we don't know, we just have to wait. In the mean time, due to her actions with your colleague, I've ordered her to be restrained until we can work her through everything."

"I understand your point Professor, however I know Sara, and being restrained is something she hates and I'm afraid it could make her worse. Is there no other way?"

"I'm sorry Mr Grissom, but no there isn't, I can't have my staff attacked, and she needs to be awake for any tests."

Grissom didn't like it, but he had no choice.

Sara opened her eyes then immediately shut them against the harsh lights in the room. Where was she? What was going on? What was happening now, was this some new form of torture? She tried to sit up but found she was restrained, strapped down to the bed. Her mind creating scenarios for her, Experiments to be performed on her? Maybe even worse than that? She didn't even recognize a hospital room, didn't notice her leg in bandages, an IV in her arm. She knew she had to find a way to escape, but escape to where, where could she go that would be safe?

The door opened and in walked a man, looking tired, his beard dirty, his face drawn with worry. He sat down beside her, held her hand, she flinched but couldn't escape it. She did the only thing she could, she growled at him.

"Sara, it's me Grissom, look at me, look in my eyes. I mean you no harm, I love you Sara, I always have ever since we first met back at Harvard. Please remember me, I want you back, but I won't push until you are ready. You are in hospital after falling down a mineshaft in the desert."

'_Ah in the desert, only been there once, with Natalie, you are working with her then. Little ruse to get me to trust you, then you can kill me later. Sorry not falling for it_.'

**Ok I know what you're thinking, well those few who actually read this, Sara Insane..answer..maybe. you'll just have to wait and see. I would like to think that more than two people read this story.**

**Oh and insert reviews by clicking the review button, thanks heaps.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Insanity of Sara Sidle**

**Ok here is the twist, hope you like it.**

**CBS owns CSI, I only own my own mind. **

**Chapter 3**

She spat in his face and he left the room, tears falling freely down his usually emotionless face. Catherine comforted him after he said what had happened. He feared Sara was beyond any help now, that she'd end up just like Natalie, locked away in her own mind. He seriously didn't know what to do anymore.

Sara's friends from the lab kept visiting her, but she was not recognizing them as friends, only as enemies out to get her and she knew she had to escape this constant stream of tormentors who kept coming in, waking her up and lying to her. They did seem nice enough, but looks could be deceiving, even that young guy, Greg was it? Well he didn't look dangerous, but then the best criminals never look dangerous. That woman, maybe somehow she could work on her. Maybe if she played along they might remove the restraints then she could escape, but where would she go, what was outside?

Catherine stopped by one day with Lindsay to see how Sara was, Catherine's mother was having a routine check up at the hospital and Lindsay wanted to see Sara while they were there. Maybe Lindsay's childlike outlook could open Sara's mind a bit, if not then Sara was doomed.

Sara didn't remember Lindsay, Catherine figured she wouldn't so re introduced them and told Lindsay to talk softly while Catherine checked on her mother. Sara was no danger to Lindsay unless she was suddenly growing super human strength, or perhaps verbally abused Lindsay, but the young girl had been prepared for that beforehand. This was Sara's chance, her only one in the weeks she'd been here. She worked it all out in her head, this young girl, school age, good topic to talk about. Boyfriends? With a mother like that? Nah. Not with that evil woman, no boy would dare look at Lindsay unless he had a death wish. Stick to school. But should she? This is only a kid after all, sure maybe she'd fall for it, but what about the others, they'd seek retribution. '_So this is how conscience versus practicality works, but I'm only going to get one chance, just pray it works_.'

"Hey Lindsay, how's school going," she asked brightly.

"Not bad Sara, I sure could use your help with my Maths homework again, but I am improving, How are you feeling now, Mom wasn't sure if I should come in or not, said you were a bit scary."

"Do I look scary Lindsay? I mean seriously, it's me, Sara. Do you honestly think I'd hurt anyone. I think your Mom is just being careful so you don't touch anything around me, but I'd like your help to get more comfortable." '_Take it easy Sidle, don't push her too far, too quickly or she'll not do anything for you_.'

" I just need you to undo this cuff for me so I can sit up easier, I know not the lot, just this one, please for me?"

Sara saw the doubt flash over Lindsay's face and thought she'd blown her only chance.

"Lindsay, you don't have to undo it all the way, just so I can get some leverage to sit myself up a bit more, that's all. I can't hurt you now can I? Not even if I had one arm free, which I don't, I'm just sick of lying cooped up like this, staring at the ceiling."

Lindsay thought it over, she wasn't sure, but one couldn't hurt so that Sara could get comfortable, after all this was Sara, and she'd never hurt her, she was like an aunt to her, always caring and usually cool.

"Ok Sara, but just the one, and please don't tell Mom."

Lindsay undid one cuff from Sara's wrist and watched as Sara sat up, then didn't see anything but blackness as Sara effortlessly tossed the teenager into a wall with one hand. Sara herself was actually surprised at the strength she had, the kid looked dead. '_Oh well one less person to worry about_.' She did have a pang of guilt at what she had just done, but she'd had no choice. She then undid the other cuffs holding her down, pulled out the IV tube, got into her old, dirty clothes still in the bag and peeked out the door. No one in sight, good. She hobbled silently along the corridor to the stairwell, raced awkwardly down the stairs to the parking lot and just stood, taking in the entire scene before her maddened eyes. She didn't notice the pain in her leg, her adrenaline was much too great for that. She was in Las Vegas, Desert Palm hospital. She couldn't figure out why though, nothing made sense. She knew she needed a car, she saw a vaguely familiar car in the lot, an SUV. It didn't register that it was a CSI vehicle but she stole it anyway, finding the controls familiar and easy, and found it comforting to be out in the traffic, anonymous and running from everything.

Catherine got back to Sara's room to find Sara gone and Lindsay unconscious and bleeding in the corner, she was horrified and called for help. Doctors came running to help Lindsay. Catherine speed dialed Grissom, got her mother, now finished with the doctor, to stay with Lindsay and went down to her car. It was gone.

"Griss, Sara's escaped, she injured Lindsay and she stole my car. She is in serious trouble Griss, and a danger not only to herself, but to anyone around her. If she finds spare gun in the glove compartment, well god only knows what she'll do."

"Ok Catherine, I'll get Greg to pick you up, come back here, I'll put out an APB on the car and her, and warn everyone to stay well away as we'll have to treat her as armed and dangerous."

Catherine hated to think of Sara on the run, as armed and dangerous, but they had no choice, if her mind was closed she wouldn't hesitate to use the gun, even on friends. Friends that she didn't recognize as friends. The worst thing she could imagine is the police stopping her and Sara trying to shoot her way out. No that was an awful way to think.

Sara had found the gun and was pleased she had protection now, especially from that creepy Grissom guy, funny that, he was familiar and those eyes were dreamy. Maybe that's why it seemed creepy. Was she wrong? Were they only trying to help? If so then she'd hurt that poor girl and now there was no turning back, she didn't even know if she had killed Lindsay or not. '_Ok Sara let's go to the desert, it's clean, refreshing and you like it there, at night. Remember when you used to look up at the sky and someone would tell you about the constellations? Who did tell me all that stuff anyway, oh yeah Gil did. Gil who?'_

Her brain sparked a thought, a memory, a softly spoken 'I love you Sara Sidle'. Gil Grissom said it.

**If you liked it or were disappointed I'd still like to know.**

**Oh and insert reviews by clicking the review button, thanks heaps.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Insanity of Sara Sidle**

**Well who will win the battle?**

**CBS owns CSI, I only own my own mind. **

**Chapter 4**

She slammed on the brakes and stopped to think, that memory, it was real. She loved Grissom, that's why he was beside her bed, and she spat in his face. She sobbed as the engine idled. She checked the bag she had taken with her from the hospital, her phone was there, someone had kept it charged. She dialed Grissom.

"Gil?" came a scared voice over the speaker.

"Sara? Are you ok?"

"I don't know anymore, I'm scared, I remembered what you said to me, I feel the same way about you, but I crossed the line, I spat in your face, hurt Lindsay, I don't even know if she's alive, I stole a car, now I have a gun. I don't know what to do anymore. Help me please."

"Tell me where you are Sara and I'll come and get you, just me, alone so you won't be scared."

"I know you've called the police Gil, can you call them off first, then come pick me up, I'm on I 95 outside Vegas somewhere, not really sure where. I don't trust anyone else, so please come alone or else." He didn't like the 'or else' part.

"Ok honey I'm on my way, please don't do anything silly, I love you remember, just keep saying that to yourself and I'll be there shortly. And Lindsay is fine."

Brass wasn't convinced it was a good idea for Grissom to go on his own, nor was it a good idea to call off the police, but out of respect for his friend and to have any hope of bringing Sara home alive, he did so.

Catherine was furious, her daughter had been hurt by a woman they all trusted with their lives, or had. Lindsay would never feel that same trust again with Sara, she wasn't fine as Grissom had told Sara, she had a concussion and a broken wrist. Lindsay felt she was responsible for it all, she had been duped by Sara, her trust abused.

"Grissom you can't seriously go out there on your own, unarmed. She has a gun and is a damned good shot. If you slip up once, just once, she would kill you. Maybe she was right after all, maybe she is becoming her mother," Catherine spoke the words venomously, angry and hurt at having her daughter injured. "I don't know if I can ever forgive her for this, if I saw her right now, here in front of me, I wouldn't hesitate to shoot her."

"Catherine, how dare you, Sara is not her mother, never will be, she hates the idea of taking a life. She doesn't know what she's doing right now, she doesn't know who the real Sara Sidle is, who her friends are. I have to get her remember before it's too late and she's lost forever. If you ever say that to her Catherine, believe me you'll regret it."

Catherine was stunned at the threat, Gil Grissom actually threatened her. Was he that scared?

Grissom was in his car and off, before Catherine could reply. He was out to find Sara. He travelled the highway for miles until he could see the SUV up ahead and his hopes soared, then he heard gunshots.

When he reached the SUV it was pockmarked with holes, bullet holes, with Sara standing nearby holding a gun. She raised it towards his car, then on seeing his face, she put it under her chin, finger poised beside the trigger guard. He left his back at the lab but he wouldn't need it.

"Sara, please, put the gun down, let's work this out together."

"I can't, this is the only way Gil. The only way to stop it all, the pain, the nightmares, the conspiracy. You can come with me if you like then we can both be together, but I have to do this. I'm sorry Gil."

With that statement made, her finger slipped inside the trigger guard and onto the trigger, slowly placing pressure on it.

**If you liked it or were disappointed I'd still like to know.**

**Oh and insert reviews by clicking the review button, thanks heaps.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Insanity of Sara Sidle**

**Now did you seriously think she'd shoot herself? Ok I did, but I'm writing this so I'm allowed. This is a short chapter again, sorry, but hey hopefully someone might appreciate it. **

**For all those who sent in reviews, thank you so much, they are greatly appreciated.**

**The song words further down are from You're the Voice by John Farnham, from the The Voice Album.**

**CBS owns CSI, I just borrow the characters and have some fun with them. No characters were really harmed in the writing of this story.**

**Chapter 5**

SARA WAIT! Let us talk first, and then you decide, just please hear me out first."

She relaxed her trigger finger. "Talk away Gil, I'm listening for now." She didn't move the gun away, only took her finger back outside the trigger guard.

"First of all, you know I love you, secondly there is no conspiracy, all your friends want you back safe, we are a family Sara, you, me, Catherine, Nick, Greg and Warrick, hell even Sofia is becoming part of it, please just put the gun down, then we can talk properly. I'm here for you."

"I know you love me Gil, and your word are reassuring, believe me, but as for the others, I don't know them anymore. Did I ever know them? I don't even know myself, this way it would make life easier for all of us. I'm sorry Gil, I love you too but I can't see a way out."

Sara dropped to her knees, still clutching the gun as a child would hug a teddy bear. Sudden pain shot through her leg but she didn't understand why, she had no recollection of an injury there and she hadn't looked down to check.

Grissom knew he wasn't out of the woods yet, he had to be very careful now. He wanted to pick her up in his arms and kiss her lovingly and have her embrace him. He had to somehow extract her from the gun. He needed to find out the reasoning behind her thoughts, if there was reason at all. '_Think Grissom why shoot at the car, what nightmare is it this time that she wants ended and how can you let her see that she is loved, not hated. Toughie Grissom, you never were a people person. Think very carefully now before you speak, one wrong word and she's gone forever.' _Sara loved her music and he recalled a song that might help, ok it was a recent oldie, but it suited the moment.

"Sara I want you to listen to something, it's a song, it's an Australian song but listen to the words."

We have the chance

To turn the pages over

To write what we wanna write

We gotta make ends meet before we get much older

We're all someone's daughter, we're all someone's son

How long can we look at each other

Down the barrel of a gun?

You're the voice try and understand it

Make a noise and make it clear

Woah oh oh

We're not gonna live in silence

We're not gonna live in fear

Woah oh oh

Sara heard the words and music, didn't think it was quite Grissom's taste, but the words made sense. She could use this as a new chance at life, or blow both of them to oblivion.

"It makes sense Gil, but am I worth another chance, can we turn the page over write what we want to write?"

"Yes Sara we can start over, but we need trust between us, and to show I trust you, you can keep the gun with you for now, but just one question first."

She nodded.

"Why did you shoot the car Sara?"

"I was exorcising an old ghost, I had to, to convince myself that Natalie wouldn't win any more. I'm not safe yet Gil, so be careful what you say around me, please just be careful, and love me. Maybe more of me will come back in time, but I'm not the same person anymore. Catherine and Lindsay will never trust me again. I had saved one bullet for myself but I wanted to see you again first, there are two left in the gun, one each. I couldn't do it. Firing at the car, ok, but I proved something to myself, I'm not a killer. Help me come back Gil, please."

"I will Sara. First, let me have the gun now then let's go home, I'll stay with you and protect you from anything because I love you. Right now you don't look so great, and you're limping badly. Your leg is bleeding again."

"Leg? What's wrong with my leg? What don't I know?" The pain in her leg suddenly came back with a vengeance, her finger jerking with pain. It squeezed the trigger and the gun fired, sounding like a bomb going off in the stillness.

Ok this is a cliffy, but I'll give you a slight hint. Go hug a teddy bear, then tell me where the shot went. LOL

**If you liked it or were disappointed I'd still like to know.**

**Oh and insert reviews by clicking the review button, thanks heaps.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Insanity of Sara Sidle**

**For all those who sent in reviews, thank you so much, they are greatly appreciated.**

**This is the final chapter, I hope it doesn't disappoint.**

**CBS owns CSI, I just borrow the characters and have some fun with them. No characters were really harmed in the writing of this story.**

**Chapter 6**

The shot flew high into the air, destination unknown, and Sara dropped the gun quickly, looking at it as though she'd just dropped a rattlesnake. She was shaking from the fright of what had almost happened. Her ears were deafened by the shot and the bullet had passed her by, leaving only powder burns around the side of her face and head. Her hearing on the left side abruptly ceased and she looked around at Grissom worriedly.

"Calm down Sara, let me see your face. Looks like a bad burn. Can you hear me Sara? Sara!" He gently grabbed her by the shoulders to get her attention off the gun and used sign language. "Your hearing will return shortly. You broke your leg when you fell down a mineshaft at a crime scene, you were down that shaft for ten hours, you wouldn't let anyone near you and came close to dying down there, subsequently, your mind took refuge inside itself to shield you from the agony but it caused a major problem inside your mind. Your body healed or was healing, but your mind was elsewhere."

"Oh god, I remember parts of it now, I was walking back the SUV when the ground simply disappeared, but not much after that." Her hearing was returning quickly now, but her face felt on fire.

"Damn my face hurts Gil, and my leg is killing me."

"We have to get that leg seen to, let me have a quick look first. Then we'll do something about the burns on your face."

Grissom picked up the weapon then bent to examined her leg, the pressure of her trying to run on it had made it swell, the colour didn't look good, the flexible cloth cast around it now was dirty and ragged, blood and fluids seeped out through the stitches and the cloth. The smell was that of severe infection, short of a decomp, a smell Grissom was familiar with. Grissom winced when he saw it, how she had been able to walk, let alone drive, with that leg was beyond him. A cast had been due to go on the day after Sara escaped the hospital but now they'd have to start over and operate again.

"Do you trust me Sara Sidle?"

"Gil Grissom, yes I trust you, I guess I'd better go back to the hospital, but please, stay with me…."

She didn't finish her sentence as a new wave of pain crashed over her and she passed out in Grissom's arms, the adrenaline that had kept her going finally giving way to the weaknesses in her body. Carefully he laid her on the back seat of his car.

They drove back to the hospital, Sara stretched out on the backseat, her leg elevated. Her doctor raced out with restraints and Grissom growled out his next sentence.

"Get rid of those things NOW, and never let me see them again, otherwise I'm taking her home with me now."

They had to reset her leg in surgery after cleaning the wound. They doctors cleaned her burnt face but some residue would take weeks to work its way out of the pores, the small cuts were also cleaned. They also let her have a different room, one with a nice view. She awoke to find Grissom sleeping beside her, hand in hand. He looked happier, and to her he wasn't creepy anymore. She didn't know how she'd react to anyone else though. Her mind wasn't all that ready to cope but she'd try anyway.

The door opened and in walked Catherine. Instantly Sara felt pangs of fear and anxiety and she cowered. The memory of what she had done to Lindsay creating panic in her. "Sara," said Grissom, "you know Catherine, she's your friend, she's our friend, let her sit with us here."

"No, I hurt her, I hurt Lindsay. I'm sorry Catherine, I didn't mean it, I just, well I don't know. She can't trust me, I don't trust me."

"Dammit Sidle, I feel like killing you for what you did to my daughter, but I don't want to lose my job, or a good friend," her gaze relaxed and smiled.

Catherine's initial reaction was emotional, wanted to physically kill the brunette in the bed, but seeing her cowering in fright she had switched to 'mother' mode and shushed her and held her hand, "Honey it's alright, Lindsay is just fine, shocked of course, and scared but I'll get her to come and see you to explain if that's alright with you. But I have to be with her, she's still afraid of you." Catherine was still angry with Sara, but she understood things a bit better now, Sara wasn't really at fault, she wasn't really Sara at the moment but given time the real Sara would emerge.

Sara actually smiled tentatively. "Yes I know, I'm afraid of me too and, well, your car is kinda looking like a sieve. I found the gun, killed the car, and saved two bullets, one for me and well one for him. But I simply couldn't do it, I couldn't even point it at him. Who am I Catherine? Why am I going insane?"

"You're not going insane Sara, you are coming back from insanity, but it will be slow, everything in your past crept back in on you and sent you over the edge, but Grissom caught you just in time. It's a long road back and your demons must be fought. Yes I still trust you with my life, and Lindsay's life, but it may take you longer to realize that."

Sara was comforted by that and smiled to herself as Catherine brought Lindsay in.

Lindsay stayed away from Sara at first but tried to smile. Sara was shocked to see a cast on Lindsay's arm and felt very guilty.

"I'm so sorry Linds, I hope you can forgive me in time, but you saved me. Your Mom and Uncle Grissom can explain it better than I can, but if you hadn't helped me get free, I'd be gone forever or dead."

Lindsay smiled wider and embraced Sara, who hugged her warmly until both were crying. She knew the real Sara was coming back. "Ya know Sara, that is one wicked tattoo on your face, not very imaginative though, it looks like someone…umm well, oh dear someone did didn't they. Sara?"

"I did Linds, it was an accident though, I fell over. Uncle Gil will tell you all about it some other time, I give him permission to tell you. If your Mom agrees, would you like to introduce me to the rest of the team? I seem to have frightened everyone away even them."

"Sure Sara, I'll go get them, they are happy you are safe and back again, but you'll have a hard time with Nick. He's still getting over his Sidle bites." She said as she departed, leaving Sara to wonder what she meant. '_Sidle bites? Uh oh this doesn't sound good, that means that, sheesh, I bit him?_ '

Nick, Warrick and Greg came in slowly and waited for Lindsay to introduce them around. Greg laughed when Nick showed Sara the bite marks which looked more like flesh flayed from bone. Nick didn't find it funny, Sara didn't either, she couldn't help but cry again and Nick offered her his shoulder to cry on. She was now having a hard time coping with these guys all in the room together. They were friendly enough, but she couldn't relate to them all at once with all the jumbled memories conflicting inside her. Greg noticed her apprehension.

"Ok Sara, I'm delegated, this will help you remember, my special blend for our special girl."

Sara sniffed the pungent liquid, Blue Hawaiian coffee, she'd recognize that smell anywhere. Pieces of the puzzle started fitting into place. Greg and his loud music and adorable coffee, Warrick who was always there for everyone, regardless of his marriage falling apart. Nick, dear Nicky, he'd saved her life in the desert, he'd found her along with Sofia. Her mind was starting to put itself back on track, everything in it's proper perspective. She started to feel more her old self, but she knew she wasn't her old self, more like a new version. Sara Sidle Mk 2, or as Archie might say, Sara Sidle Version 2.0.

Had something good come out of all of this? She never wanted to hurt anyone, but people got hurt because of her. It made her come to a serious decision, one which she had to think hard about. She told Grissom about it when he took her home from hospital.

"I think I'll either quit CSI or take a leave of absence and go back to San Francisco for a while, I can spend my days on the beach and get my life back on track properly, then maybe look for a new direction in my life," she told Grissom early one morning.

"Sara, I don't know that that is the right thing to do, I want you with me, not in another state sitting on a beach worrying if you'll get over things. At least discuss it with the shrink first before you make the decision ok?"

"Ok Gil, you could be right, I'm just not sure what is right and what might tip me over again, be it could be another DB or another maniac holding a knife at my throat."

"If you must quit, then marry me, then we can be together and I'll protect you."

She smiled. "Gil Grissom is that a proposal? If so I accept, although it may not be legal if I'm not in my right mind. I'll say yes, but I won't quit for now, see where things take us."

Time passed and Sara regained control, total control over her mind. It was now stronger and nothing could hurt her again, she had a protector and she was going to be Mrs Gil Grissom. She also remained as a CSI and moved to swing. She was happy, he had chased away her demons….for now at least.

The End.

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